Questions, questions and more questions - can they just stop buzzing in my head....I guess sometimes even inspite of thinking so much....there is no outcome - yet you wish you could just plunge into anything. Without much as having a second thought.

Confused??? Same here - I won't say I don't know what to do at this moment - when I have almost completed a year in this radio station. There is a need, a craving to do something even better than just sit and take orders - work like a robot and go home and come back to work....Its just enough. And yea I also do not want to sit around thinking wow - I might as well now wait for something to happen.

Though I know I am good at writing - I want to do write and produce a show - and till date it has always been a travel show. So what do I do? Do I just sit around waiting - thinking well things will happen eventually. Also the fact that I like dancing around (not around the trees) but nothing like persuing a career in one. Which reminds me my dance instructor did tell me I can always write to Shiamak - if there was anything I need to talk to him about.

Have always believed that when I write down my thoughts it always helps me get a better perspective of what I would want to do going further ahead.

I got what I wanted, its okay if the pay package is'nt that rocking well but its okay that won't stop me from acheive what I wanted to. I mean a week or two weeks back I thought of joining TV 18 again as a writer for their website. But then along came this BIG offer...yea Big offer right...so I went ahead and all that.

I was obviously in two minds of what not to of what to do. Coz if I didnt make it now, coz I thought and according to my calculation I should be settling down soon and that too very sooon. So the song plays in my mind, "Here I am, This is me"... dont know the rest of the lines but am sure they are also equally important. Anywayz, so thats there. Yea I was being told the place is not good, they dont treat people right, etc,etc...But from my experience I have seen that happen everywhere and this isnt an exception so all I can say is "What the heck?" yea...I have been given some reading material to do apart from observing the shows. And I guess there are loads of expectations as well and thats the reason they hired me right??? So its like all eyes on me to know what I will be doing and what not. What are my ideas about the same and how do I implement etc.etc...so yea be it. All I need to do now, is to focus, focus and focus more that I want to go ahead in the long run I want to be in this field so that it will help in a longer run. So its like Aim and FIRE!!!!

Will keep you posted my head's throbbing like hell...dont know why its paining so much....

Its just so funny... at times this attention seeking, attraction thing becomes like a poison which could pose as an enemy to one's own self. It just eats you up leaving you with nothing at all. So insecurity could pose as a very bad threat against your ownself. Rather its better to leave it as side...live and let live...have fun out of life coz it does no good at all. And complaining does nothing to uplift your spirits, rather just brings you rather pulls you down! Always wanting attention could also prove harmful to your health...at work too when you think you could be a major attention, it is rather good to just keep working, forget or rather fuck the world coz it really does not matter...exactly how your blog title 'coz nothing else matters' is...coz seriously by doin this, you are not only wasting your productivity at work but also hampers lot of your creative skills.... and whaddya know...the person over you are busy fuming, and screaming 'Bloody Murder' has already moved ahead....and you are still engulfed in smoke and not to forget fire...so move ahead...work how you can work the best...and if you think of an excuse..like saying I cannot work in an environment which is filled with loads of political ppl, bad and dirty minded ppl...think about the lotus which grows in a kichad (no better word! - I wonder what Mr Tushar would want to comment on this - lack of vocabulary???) anywayz...so its better to leave everything, set your heart free.. let it fly rather than holding it against everybody complaining that nothing is happening, nothing is working, etc..etc...and yea dont hold it against anybody....or dont go looking for vacant shoulders to go and put your head on to cry...remember it does not matter...does not does not matter...ppl will console you today...forget you tomm...so...always always work from your head and not heart...dont go giving your heart to ppl who listen to you show they care for you and please dont think that guys go Ga Ga over your smile, your face, body etc....plzzzz....STOP IT!!!! Does not matter...forget it...all that matters is that you smile and live life like nobody's business dont think about this and that....and most importantly do not think from your heart...it always slips, trips and falls, think from your head...Use your HEAD!!! Have fun...thats how you live life!!!

I just wanted to share this:
Scorpio: At the moment for you there is safety and security in numbers. You dont want to fly solo or be part of a claustrophobic twosome. You should be able to advance anything you have been focusing strongly on now. You have a glow of physical energy and the optimism to make it happen. Just remember to take your time about what you hope to accomplish. Although solid progress is possible, the completion of your pet schemes may take time.

Interesting na??? Makes me laugh...coz I guess its almost matching to what I feel. I think its proper coz its better not to push things too far. Or expect too much. Coz it may just hurt or you may end up sulking so better to stay off things. Think less about people around me, concentrate on the kind of work that I get and give it my best shot. Fame will follow soon after...Shucks! How can a great philosopher like me just forget that! Thats the bad part....

Now the good part of all this is that I need to think work, work and work only instead of flirting around to which I know I may not hit the jackpot. It may just be the same thing. Similar to the WWM scenario...cant bend the rules so just be what things are..lets see how things take from here...!

Keep rocking!

Right now am thinking about 'inner peace', 'happiness'...in fact this thought occurred when this morning I was thinking about the satisfaction that you get. Where does it all end? Thing is I was reading a book where the guy becomes a victim of physical torture, his life changes in just a span of six hours. Thats not much! Thats when he thinks when was it that he was actually happy. When did he actually thank God for the peaceful life that he had before what happens to him. Thats when I thought "Man it could actually mean that life can turn topsy turvy without even informing you!" And maybe you have already forgotten to thank Him, about all the things that you have in your life.

I mean imagine people doing what they dont want to do...but have to coz they have no choice. But what about people who already have a choice and can do what they want. Is it then right to still keep on complaining about what is happening in one's life. No matter how hunky dory everything is...but...guess its become a human tendency to keep on complaining about various stuff, without that maybe you just cant breathe only...its like when everythings so fine and all that...you always want to be the one who suffers and suffers.... Maybe thats coz you want to lean on to somebody want somebody to hold your hand and tell you that everything in the world's going to be fine when it infact is fine. Guess thats just an excuse to get through to things.

So have decided that I will not let my life rot, not complain, coz thats not the way to get out of anything. There has to be a very good smile on your face...that just lights up everything and makes you feel deep down inside. So no trying hard to be someone who you dont want to(guess thats y people become even sadder in life) so just be you go ahead and enjoy life! No one's stopping except you yourself!

Have a blast baby!

Today is like my fourth day at work...and am wondering how am I supposed to be feeling today...lost, happy, left out...dont know..but they say patience wins above everything and anything...only if I had that patience. Am trying to take it as each day comes but you know when its like inbuilt in your character you just can't help it. Its like you are just rushing to make yourself noticed. Call it a common human tendency, maybe its there in me and thats something I need to work on.

Besides I took a risk leaving the cocoon of earning a handsome amount and jumping on to learn a new course and join a radio station. Well, I learned the course am also interning with one of the famous radio station...so do things end there...that isnt success. Thats like a baby step taken towards success. And that also means waiting, waiting and more waiting. (I just hope I dont fall asleep!) Though I do feel sleepy at times....but thats that.

Anywayz...will keep you posted hopefully of the developments that take place.

Last night I dreamt of ghosts and goblins...and this was quite funny and a bit eerie...funny coz this friend of mine is a hero who gets involved in helping me solve the whole damn stuff...and eerie coz after I woke up from that dream once I tried to sleep the dream continued (now I dont know if it was me or was it the hand from the 'Above' sources!!!) so then this so called hero...who I was suddenly cozing up to...which was just ridiculous...but thats fine...nywayz just thought to share the same...